by Jessica Lee McMillan

 

red balloons stilled on the carpet
afternoon light diffused with Billie Holiday’s “Summertime”,
beer and waiting for guests to arrive

ceremony in absentia

~

weeping at the bus stop
on my twentieth birthday
knowing my enthusiasm
would fray

~

IKEA pear cider
and another year knowing
you can’t feel full
from excess

~

these excuses to mark a day

how many clinking glasses do you remember
or cigarette breaks

I remember eating watermelon in the dark one night
more than any drink
or birthday cake

~

birthdays happen every day
even in clouds
shaped like babies

even endings that are beginnings,
like dropping the bottle

~

each year, read the chart for confirmation bias:
Taurus Moon
Leo Rising

extrovert with a foot in introvert’s mouth
bumbling through milestones

~

reading daily paper
death tolls
as assertions of life

there is no throughline
with so many endings

just a blue mood I sink into,
then keep going

~

ceremony in absentia

on the bus
the woman’s forearm tattoo reads
together we dance alone

 

 

 

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Jessica Lee McMillan (she/her) is a poet and teacher with an English MA and Writing Certificate from Simon Fraser University. Read her recent poems in The Malahat Review, Crab Creek Review, pacificREVIEW, QWERTY, CV2, and ROOM Magazine. Jessica lives on the land of the Halkomelem-speaking Peoples (colonially known as New Westminster, British Columb) with her little family and large dog. Her website is jessicaleemcmillan.com and on BlueSky she’s @jessicaleemcmillan.com.