by Renee Emerson

CW: Infant loss, intense grief.

I still look at pictures of my baby
that died, still have her clothes
shadowboxed like Snow White.
The notes taped in her hospital
room—hold her, sing—instruct
the silence gently, tucked
in the casket blanket. I do not
think about what happened to her
body—folding in on itself in places,
expanding past borders—both
too large and too small, a dress
better suited to another. I do not
think about what happens now.
I catch the thoughts like birds
in my fists, singing stone and pebble
songs, singing goodnight, Dearheart,
goodnight, and I crush them,
feather and bone.

Renee Emerson is the author of the poetry collections Keeping Me Still (Winter Goose Publishing 2014), Threshing Floor (Jacar Press 2016), and Church Ladies (Fernwood Press 2023). She is also the author of the chapbook The Commonplace Misfortunes of Everyday Plants (Belle Point Press), and the middle grade novel Why Silas Miller Must Learn to Ride a Bike (Wintergoose Publishing 2022). She lives in the Midwest with her husband and children.