The Duration
by Gregory Crosby
I.
Everything feels so long ago, now:
even this moment, as the words flow out—
this text just the afterlife of a deadline,
its subtext the rapping at a séance.
Imagine the sly smile of Time’s Arrow
as it says, Yea, you can’t get there from here.
Imagine echo as a metaphor
instead of a metonymy (not that
anyone can ever keep those two straight).
Imagine answering no echo but
your own, & knowing it as your own,
the way your fingers somehow know your hand.
The past shimmers; the future moves through it;
between that line & this, don’t blink. Don’t blink.
II.
Although he died in 1995,
I met Donald Pleasance late last night,
in the dark bar of a midtown hotel
where, dressed in Dr. Loomis’s raincoat,
he refused the round I offered to buy
& seemed bemused that I recognized him.
Well, I said, this is a dream; it’s easy,
if unexpected. I really don’t know
why you’re here, I haven’t watched one of your
movies in ages. Then he smiled, not unlike
his character in Wake in Fright, & said,
It’s just because you’re the Duke of New York,
A Number One. How kind of you to say,
I said (it was embarrassing, really).
III.
On the knuckles of one hand, we find, tattooed,
Albert Camus’ famed line about that
invincible summer; on the other
hand, Winter is coming. There’s a chill
in the air no Netflix can conquer.
It can’t possibly be twenty-something,
can it? What will become of these fingers
when they enter that Mortal Kombat?
Time is the only god that never fails
to exist. Agnes Varda said, I like
the idea of being in friendship
with time; I’m trying, Agnes, but it’s so
one-sided. Shall I thank these strange days
for being a friend? As the words flow out—
IV.
In another dream I met my father
who in my dreams is never my father
but someone else, someone I might have liked.
We were driving around, in search of a
diner, not a Johnny Rockets knock off
but a real diner my father might have
eaten at, somewhere in the Fifties,
a place like the Sip ‘n Snack, simple, cheap,
where we could have lunch & impossible
conversations. We finally found one,
& pulled up in his Lincoln Mark IV
(the one with that little oval window)
& parked, & opened those heavy-ass doors,
& never made it past the dream’s fade out.
V.
I don’t know where I’m going with all this,
says the second hand as it sweeps, sweeps.
The duration of an echo depends,
I think, on the kindness of the chamber.
A dream is the place in which the nature
of consciousness is clearest. No such thing
as the present, except when you’re asleep:
even as the scene quick changes, it seems
everything you ever were or might be
is happening right now, & only now.
How funny that you’ll forget most of it.
How even the things that never happen
become memories; how you remember
your future, wholly, until it’s your past.
VI.
Once I was alone in an empty house
watching the white walls turn a rosy red
as an atomic bomb filled the frames;
it wasn’t the explosion but the fact
that I was about to die all by myself
that woke me into the glow-in-the-dark
of a bedside alarm clock. So vivid,
that red. I can see it, yes, but what’s more
I can feel it. I can feel what it was
not to die but to know. That dream, at least
thirty years ago. Hello, little echo.
I remember the kisses, too, but not
like those blinding rooms. The sex dreams dwindle—
it’s the bomb, that bomb, that brings me together.
VII.
Where is that arrow in this dreamtime?
Here’s the secret: it’s still notched in the bow.
Every night, the target moves further, farther.
I’m holding this moment taut, in tension,
like that poor astronaut who seems to wave
from the event horizon forever.
Is it true that everyone dreams of flight?
Funny, we’ve been in the air all along.
In the dream, you finally step outside
to measure the dimensions of the yard,
counting off your steps, following the wall,
& then the tally evaporates in
sunshine. In the time it gives, the dream
takes it all back: so long ago, so now.
Gregory Crosby is the author of Said No One Ever (2021, Brooklyn Arts Press) and Walking Away from Explosions in Slow Motion (2018, The Operating System).
